I want to be more than just
a tangle of arteries and cartilage
I want to be pink sunsets,
poppy tendrils, and puzzle pieces:
things not to be lost in the folds of time
or buried to feed summer grasses;
I want to mean something
through the small things,
so even if this poem is forgotten
amongst greater works,
and even if my small deeds are lost
amid the grandiose ones,
I will still resonate;
I will resonate in the way
that I held my daughter’s hand
and braided her hair into plaits,
in the way that I spoke
gently and with a honey tongue,
in the way that I carried myself
like I had never felt grief’s weight
settle on my birdlike shoulders;
And when you cannot recall
the exact color of my eyes,
the sound of my smile,
or the look of my laugh,
I hope you will not forget me entirely,
I hope I will resonate with you.
Worked on this yesterday and today between family visitings. I hope you guys had a lovely holiday and a good day in general!
This one took a lot of reworking and rephrasing because I kept making myself sound like I think I'm God and a complete and utter narcissist. Hopefully I fixed that...
this is actually really awesome. i love it.
Okay this is SOooOO lovely I adore it completely
In my opinion, you don't sound greedy, but more like you are attempting to seek an identity... like a connection with someone. Trying to make yourself feel like someone worth remembering. Does that even make sense,I don't know, but I do know that you were worried about sounding selfish and it did not come across like that at all )
It makes lots of sense! THANK YOU! I was so worried; I was trying really hard not to sound like I think I'm God (it sounded bllasphemous for a bit haha) or that I JUST WAN TA LOT OF THINGS OKAY! But, I'm glad it came across the way I wanted it to!
I like this a lot as it is, it's mostly cheery-sounding instead of gloomy like most other poems I've read.
Thank you! I'm (generally) a cheery person, but I do know that gloomy emotions tend to pack a stronger punch because they'r emore relatable. I'm glad you were metaphorically punched by this one!
I feel like this poem is especially meaningful. You conveyed your thoughts expertly. The first stanza is really amazing, the imagery is fantastic. There's very little else to say. Wonderful work!
why do want so much?
Oh, shit, do I sound greedy in this poem?!